Caregiving for a Parent Should be a Family Affair

By Jane Slevin, Coordinator of the WJCS Family Caregiving Network

“One mother can take care of six children but six children can’t take care of one mother.” Unfortunately, this old saying proves true in many families as siblings struggle to provide care for a parent, usually a mother, when she becomes sick or frail. As the population ages, more and more family members are faced with the dilemma of how to oversee the care of older relatives.

Very often when a senior family member requires caregiving, a “primary caregiver” emerges within the family. This is typically a person who lives closest to the senior member, may have less childcare responsibilities than other family members or may not work full-time outside the home. However, statistics show that more than three-quarters of family caregivers are women who are not only caring for a senior adult but also for their own children and households often while holding down full-time jobs.

While being the primary caregiver for a loved one can be fulfilling and satisfying, it also can be extremely stressful, especially if other family members don’t share the responsibility. The emotional, physical and financial burdens of caregiving can strain relationships within families and lead to long-lasting hard feelings and resentments. There are, however, ways to avoid such problems.

When a loved one needs caregiving, family members should discuss and develop a long-term strategy to help avoid family conflicts. Although not foolproof, this is often an excellent way to try to balance the responsibilities and divide tasks while making everyone involved sensitive to one another’s situation. As a general rule, the best way for each family member to help is to assume responsibilities that play to their strengths, whether it’s handling the loved one’s finances or preparing meals.

Additionally, it is helpful for the primary caregiver to set realistic expectations for herself/himself and other family members. Because one person can’t do it all, it’s important to develop a network that includes support from both family members and outside resources.
Open communication among siblings is vital. If you’re the primary caregiver, don’t expect your sisters or brothers to read your mind or intuitively know how they can help, especially if they don’t live nearby. Make it clear what assistance you need.

We all acknowledge that caregiving is challenging for a variety of reasons. However, it also can be fulfilling and gratifying. Try to take the time to appreciate the rewards it brings.